Ellen was raised to be invisible. He was taught to be attentive to the feelings and needs of others, but never to be his own. His family made it clear that his job was to provide for them but not to expect anything in return. As a result, Ellen learned to listen to her emotions and needs. It was as if he, as a human being, really did not exist, except in the presence of others.


When Ellen's feelings and needs came up, she told herself they were not important, that she was strong and could not handle her emotional neglect or her needs being taken care of. She reasoned that as long as she cared enough for others, they would eventually care for her. It never happened.


The inner turmoil of never paying attention to her own feelings and needs and always feeling invisible to others as a result ultimately had an impact on Ellen's life. Ellen is now suffering from cancer and eventually has to take care of herself.


Many of us have learned to be invisible - ourselves and others. What are some of the ways you create invisibility?


* Do you keep quiet, do not talk, when you feel abandoned or not seen by others?


* Do you ignore your feelings and needs by respecting others?


* Do you agree with what others want, even if you really want something else?


* Do you accept criticism for things you know are not your responsibility?


* Do you put aside your ideas and accept the opinions of others to be accepted?


* Do you accept the disrespectful behavior of others, and find ways to forgive the behavior?


* Do you pretend that everything is fine when you are really lonely or sad?


* Do you avoid conflicts, preferring silence in any way rather than rocking the boat?


* Do you carry a heavy load at home or at work, without complaining?


* Do you pretend to like food, film, talk, or sex, rather than risk rejection or rejection?


* Do you allow yourself to be violated in any way - physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually - to avoid rejection?


* Do you let others' anger or bullying control you to do what they want you to do?


* Do you do everything yourself, never asking for help from others?


How often do you end up feeling unappreciated, invisible, unappreciated? How much of this is an indication of your behavior?


If your feelings and needs are not visible to you, they will eventually become invisible to others. It is not true that you should always set yourself up and expect others to appreciate and respect you. Whenever you put up with the negligent or disrespectful behavior of others to avoid conflict, you train others to see you as invisible, indifferent to your feelings and needs.


If you have been in this situation for a long time, it is a real challenge to start taking care of yourself. You need to be willing to go through difficult times to feel the anger and resentment of others. After all you taught them for years not to care or see you, now you are changing the rules. They will not like you, but in the end they will respect you for it. You will find in the self-care system who really cares about you and who has just used you. Those people who really care about you will end up applauding your self-care, and those who used you will leave or still be angry with you for changing.


It takes great courage to go from being invisible to being seen and valued. It takes great courage to be determined to lose others rather than to keep oneself lost. However, like Ellen, your very life might be at stake. Hopefully, you won’t have to wait until you get sick or feel lonely and abandoned by others to start appearing to yourself.


It should start with you - by learning to listen, acknowledge, appreciate, and act with love for your feelings and needs. It means moving to your responsibility for your feelings and needs rather than caring for everyone in the hope that they will eventually take care of you. If you are going to feel cared for and loved, you should start by taking care of yourself and loving yourself!